First Aid

Today I re-did my emergency first aid. Glad to have it – hope I never have to use it. The course material was basically the same as when I took the class two years ago — except AED training has been added. I wonder what they took out of the curriculum to make room for the AED training? Hopefully nothing too important.

Amazing super facts about today’s first aid class:

–If you show up late you will be paired up with the weirdo with a four leaf clover face tattoo. As cool as that may seem….she was pretty strange. This became clearer when I realized there were several people from her workplace also attending – but they all refused to talk to her, sit near her, or join her for lunch. I sat with Cloverface for the whole day. It was pretty awkward to work with someone for 8 hours while trying to avoid all semblance of quaint chit chat, common ground, feigned interest, or eye contact. I have never talked less in my entire life.

–At the begining of the course we all had to sign an enrollment contract stating that we would not smoke while administering first aid to sick or injured co-workers. Good to be clear about stuff like that. I can’t remember what any of the rest of contract said. I was so hung up on that first point…I just couldn’t go on.

–Our instructor decided to tell us a little about herself by mentioning that she was involved in the tourism industry and had travelled extensively through THE EUROPE. Please also take note that the¬†instructor’s glasses case reads I heart cats and features 6 different cat head images. Not so much cute as it was disturbing to see all those disembodied cat heads.

–Our instructor was featured in several of the videos shown. In the videos she was several years younger; however, she was wearing the exact same shirt. Does she only own one shirt? Does she keep buying the same drab shirt? Was it just a coincidence? My eyes just kept flicking back and forth between the screen and her. What what what what what the heck? How did she expect us to pay attention to what the videos were actually about?

–The instructor also likes to yell at people executing practical exercises incorrectly. She points out the errors to the entire class and makes it clear by hollering: That way of doing things went out with go-go dancing!

I swear I paid attention and learned stuff. 2 vents per 30 compressions. Yeah, yeah, I got it. I got the proof, too. Bring me your injuries and stop doubting my sweet skills.

Longest day ever. Hopefully 3 years from now the course will be stocked with slightly less distracting humans.

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