I’m back!

Hi there.

It’s been a while.

I’ve missed you.

So what the heck have I been doing all this time?
Well, a lot of working and being a toddler’s mom. But here and there I found pockets of time for other things too. I stopped writing you for a bit because I was entertaining the idea that I might start a podcast.
But let’s face it – I have no energy to start a new venture. And nobody wants to listen to my weird puppet voice yammer on. So I’ve decided to keep entertaining you (my 3 dedicated readers) in our tried and true fashion.

Here’s what you missed out on since I’ve been gone:

1- I was invited to join a Fat Club
I found this to be one of the most wildly insulting things that has ever happened to me.
I seriously got a Facebook invite to join FAT CLUB VANCOUVER.
This group focuses on embracing their bodies in a positive way and doing fun social activities as a group.
And though I am currently overweight I DO NOT see myself as fat. I think of myself as chunky, or curvy, or thick, or sturdy.

I cannot believe someone would invite me to join such a group. Seriously, how rude is it to send someone a FB invite to join such a club? And how horrible is it, that since it’s facebook, they used my friends list to suggest people I could invite to the join the group. Looking at that list broke my heart – what if those friends could see that?

TheĀ Fat Club members seemed to bond over things like their thyroid disorders, doctors telling them to consider surgery, the inability to wear horizontal stripes, the confidence they lack to try sports, or the bullying they endured as children. I have no experience with any of these things and cannot relate.
Being fat is fine and I have no issue with it, but I do not identify with this segment of people.
At first, being considered someone who would join a Fat Group made me really sad. I starting doubting myself, I mean, I already go to the gym 4x a week…. did I need to up that to 17x a week? I don’t have time for that!

But then I remembered… Why be sad when you can be MAD.
Screw you, Fat Club. I’m not fat. I’m not joining your club, and I hope FB shuts you down…for being offensive to me.

2- I went on a no-sugar diet
I have been a sugar monster my whole life and decided that instead of getting a bunch of diabetes, I would try cutting it out.
I mean, not all together. I would still eat fruit, or that crappy peanut butter I like that is 30% sugar, but no more chocolate bars, cake, ice-cream, soda etc.
I was aiming for 30 days… and it was 10 before I slipped up. I went to my mother in laws house and ate a bunch of old christmas cookies she still had sitting around.

I was both surprised and disappointed with myself for breaking my diet, especially since the cookies weren’t even good. Yes, they were 3 months old, but that wasn’t it. About a week later I had a reese’s peanut butter cup and was shocked at how gross it tasted to me.
So after about 3 weeks, I realized my tastes had changed a little. Cheap gas station chocolates were disgusting and donuts from the stop ‘n shop held no appeal.
I realized I no longer wanted cheap sugar, but high end fancy sugar in small quantities, like luxury restaurant pastries or a sliver of vegan chocolate.
I had broken free from the sugar monster and it felt great!
I lost zero weight, but my skin cleared up a little.
Now I am back to the sugar, but at a much more reasonable rate that I was previously.
Overall, moderate success!

3- I vowed not to get murdered

As you may know, I have always been into Criminology, but recently started listening to ALL the true crime podcasts.
All this really did was remind me that while I was in University, I was completely stressed out all the time at the prospect of becoming the victim of crime. And now that feeling was returning, compounded by the fact that this was no longer a concern over general crime, but over the fact that I was sure I was going to be murdered.
I’m no dummy and I know what general steps to take to not get murdered…. like don’t hitchhike or take candy from strangers and remember to lock your door.

The main thing I took away from this was I had to get more in shape so when the murderer comes for me (because he will) I will be able to try to kill him right back.
This felt like a good way to take control of my fate and assert my feminist equality goals at the same time.
So I started going to the gym 4x a week and focused more on power moves like my roundhouse, back kick, elbow, and hammer fist.
I also have armed myself with pepper spray, a pen weapon, and tiger claws.
When that killer comes for me, he’s in for an unpleasant surprise!

4- I am experimenting with salty armpits
I’m not an overly sweaty or smelly person. But after 23 years of not using deodorant or antiperspirant, I realized I might be able to try a little harder with my personal hygiene.
So I got a Himalayan Salt Rock to rub on after the shower.
It doesn’t irritate my underarms like I thought it would and I have been surprised at how well it works.
I first thought there is no way this all natural hippy salt will work to keep me fresh and clean, but then came to the realization that the salt will certainly work better than the NOTHING I have been using up until this point.
And it does.
Success with this all natural, vegan, affordable alternative!

A bunch of other stuff probably happened too.
But I can’t remember what it was right now.
Once, I do – you’ll be the first to hear about it.

Love you forever,

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