Iâ€™ve missed you.
Have you missed me?
Where have I been? What have I been doing?
Iâ€™ve been here, in my living room. I am waiting for the pandemic to wash over us and fade into the distant corners of our memories.
Just as I imagine you have been.
Many peopleâ€™s take away over this past year and a half has been the importance of self-care, mental health, and keeping loved ones close… what did I settle on needing more of in life?
I donâ€™t want my brains to explode from anxiety, and I donâ€™t want yours to, either.
I want to make you laugh.
I want you to make me laugh.
I want to make myself laugh.
AND I WILL DANG GUM IT!
If you have ever met me (and you have; otherwise, you wouldnâ€™t be giving this the time of day), you know if there is one thing I love, it is trying new – anything.
Food, products, service, entertainment, exercise, recipes, whatever.
This week was a lot of new firsts (or kind of firsts). And I want to share it with you!
News you can use!
RICE IN A CAN
â€œWhat the f*ck?!â€ you sayâ€¦. yes, I hear you.
That is a box. Yes, yes, it is.
This is challenging everything you thought you knew…about containers.
Is it a box? Is it a can? But what really even is a can?
Deep stuff we are getting into. Like, heavy, man.
No dummies, it’s cause it comes with a seasoning packet. Duh.
Also, Dainty maybe wants to work on their packaging if they are planning on just selling it straight up in the can. Because as appealing and eye-catching as this may be, I can’t imagine it making a great looking display in the center of the grocery aisle
Second thoughts: I was unaware the Rice in a Can (RIAC) market was so saturated they felt the need to distinguish that they are The Authentic RIAC. But hey, I’m no can o’ rice expert.
OR ARE I?!
It feels like I’m well on my way to gathering knowledge like a tornado-vacuum cleaner that is laser-focused.
RICE IN A CAN is everywhere, how did I not notice this earlier?!
Directions are super simple.
Or super confusing.
What the heck does this mean?!
I measure out the water, turn on the heat, dump in the seasoning, open the rice and let the can-shaped brick of rice slide out. Upon further investigation, their website offers tips! Such as “In order to get the rice out of the can more easily, add half a cup of lukewarm water and wait 5 minutes”. Nice try, DAINTY; I am not doubling my time commitment to your product. What do I look like, some sort of rice-n00b?!
Two minutes after dumping everything into the pot, I start paying attention.
I realize that the can-shaped brick is still a can-shaped brick, whereas the seasoned water is boiling like it’s a lake of lava in hell. This whole thing was supposed to take 6 minutes, and I’ve already messed up 30% of the process. Maybe not the ideal beginning to this saga I am so deeply invested in.
Who cares? It’s discounted rice. Take a deep breath. Start over, as best as I possibly can, at this low point.
Quickly, I turn down the heat, smash apart rice brick into smaller rocks of rice, and then I start stirring like hell.
Note: I notice that this is A LOT of swearing and hell talk for some rice making. I don’t know if it’s worth all of this madness. But I am now committed to seeing this through to the final 6th minute of the process: Tic-tock, tick-tock.
The rice now seems to be more in line with what I imagine it should look like at this point. Whew!
The “directions” lead me to believe it should be 4 minutes of heating and stirring. But is it constant stirring or frequent stirring? Who knows? I stir for a minute, slack off for a minute, poke at it for a minute, stir it for a minute.
Now, time to cover and leave it alone for two minutes.
The waiting game.
Will my rice work or won’t it?! I feel the anxiety rise in my chest.
Then I glance at my email and completely forget I was cooking at all. A sale on floral dresses at Guess?! Tell me more….. I mean, damnit! I WAS MAKING RICE!
Whew, I only zoned out for 2.5 minutes. I am confident I can salvage this!
I open the lid of the rice pot.
Consider the rice.
It looks like rice.
So far, so good.
I cautiously taste the rice… taste and texture are regular/okay.
Not millionaire supermodel rice.
But not the gross sludge I feared either. Good, good.
But what happens if I stir in the tempeh and broccoli I made to go with it?
It turns out IT IS STILL RICE.
Dainty Rice in a Can…. it’s rice.
And on sale at 50 cents a can, so worth it!
Why is it on sale for 50c ? Are they even making money? Probably not; that’s not my problem to handle. But they did hook me with their deal – I am sitting here eating their rice, so I guess they won this round.
Would I buy this for the regular price of $1.79?
NEVER. IN. A MILLION. YEARS.
I ain’t no Rockerfeller.
It’s rice, and rice should cost the same as dust. I could make 300lbs of rice for 1.79
Well, maybe not 300lbs, but certainly more than 1-2 servings.
Sure, I could probably find a lower price. It is for sale on Amazon, after all. And, yes, Amazon does sell Dainty’s other products. But (and call me uptight), I’m not really interested in spending $1.79 on used rice.
That’s just me; you do you. And who knows, I may change my tune in the future as I am becoming more and more frugal in my old age.
JK! If anything, I’m becoming money dumber. Just wait for my next reviewâ€¦. you’ll see!
To be fair, Dainty is a great brand. Canadian and 135 years old. They must be doing something right.
And I DO have to hand it to their marketing team; they are working their asses off to come up with ideas on this whole thing; bless those folks.