I know that Pomegranate is known for their tasty late night tapas and upscale cocktails. But I am constantly searching for the best $4 breakfast special that the westend has to offer (I’ve hit up numerous places including Central and Joe’s). My never ending search  led me to pomegranate – which seems desperate to try to attract patrons so they’ve recently opened for brunch on the weekends (well, not always). This Saturday they were clearly closed though they’ve splashed “OPEN FOR BRUNCH SATURDAY AND SUNDAY” across all of their windows. I have a hate on for places that aren’t open when their sign says they will be.  Anyway – we did manage to go for brunch. I ordered the regular special that every brunch place has: two eggs, toast, bacon, and potatoes for somewhere around $4 (though I always upgrade and get a side of fruit).

Pomegranate (almost) has an amazing brunch. Pomegranate has a focus on organic foods and makes their dishes in small batches (cuisine style). The red potatoes are so crisp they’re practically deep fried, the eggs are great, the fruit was fresh and plentiful. Plus, it wasn’t loser fruit like soggy grapes and canned mandarin segments, it was fresh watermelon, blueberries, strawberries, and pineapple. The waitress looked confused when I asked if they had sourdough bread – so I settled for brown. I felt bad for the poor lone waitress who was trying hard to keep up with all the tables of fussy west end brunchers. The food was an organic delight; however, what I thought would be the best part of their brunch was actually the worst. Coffee was included inthe brunch price. But the ‘coffee’ was atrocious. The first cup was way weak and watery and the second cup was disgusting! They had obviously been using the same pot to make both coffee and tea. I could taste the tea in the coffee. Bleech! Except for the coffee the food was fine and everything was good. Um….well, not the music.

They were playing bad auto tune R n B – which would have been perfect were it 3 am and I was entertaining a bunch of scantily clad skanks….unfortunately it was 11am and I was having breakfast with my husband. Oh well, I’m sure the rest of their patrons (rich, white seniors) appreciated the appropriate mood music.

Our overall experience was okay. I almost keep going back for some tasty food – but then my husband reminds me of the coffee. Though Pomegranate is trying hard to crack into the overly saturated brunch market they should probably stick to tapas and jazzing up the nightlife. The tapas dishes look good and are mostly under $10.

Result = N.O. for brunch. But a great choice for a late night cocktail – their drink menu looks amazing. Get some root beer tandoori ribs and a champagne cocktail.

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Perfect Pairing:

The Lonely Island – Incredibad

Featuring the greatest auto tune single of all time ever: I’m on a boat. I strongly suggest you check it out.

703 Denman, Vancouver, BC.

604.688.5771

Website

This Italian restaurant on the southwest corner of Denman and Alberni is probably best known for its 50% off pasta nights (Monday and Tuesday)…. and maybe that’s all  it’s good for. This place is always full and I’m not sure why. The food is okay – but it’s just that. Ciao Bella is not the best deal in the world nor is the food outstanding in any way.

The restaurant is a warm comfortable room draped in burgundy with a piano tinkling in the corner. But the decor would lead the diner to believe they are in for a special treat – they are not. Ciao Bella has decent food and the best part of the whole dining experience is by far the service. The entire staff is welcoming, helpful, charming, and polite. Every last one of them a consummate professional. I think that’s why I was tricked into giving Ciaao Bella’s mediocre food a second try. As soon as the Lobster Bisque came out I was reminded why I haven’t been to Ciao Bella in years. The skin atop the soup was a turn off as was the non-existant lobster. Le sigh. The second course of my four course meal was the mushrooms and gorgonzola – or so the menu would have me believe. There was no way that was gorgonzola. I’m gonna have to say it was ranch dressing mixed with margarine and a generous dose of salt.

My mom tried to defend the food saying that the seafood linguine was good – and I admit that it did have generous portions of prawns, calamari, and salmon. it was tossed with a creamy rose sauce. (pictured at he top of the post).

My husband did practically inhale his pesto penne – so no complaints there.

And my veal and spinach cannelloni was tasty and filling (plus, it has 3 types of cheese! Hurrah!).

But I think I could have made all those dishes at home just as well for a fraction of the price. And let me tell you – I ain’t no super chef. The portions are decent, the prices are not unreasonable (3 courses $20, 4 courses $30 – many of the pasta dishes are in the $15 range), and the service is outstanding – but I’m not wowed by the food at Ciao Bella. It will be a LONG time before I go back. I think the mediocre kicker was the the waiter calling the espresso an “expresso” at the end of the evening. I know it’s not a big deal but my husband and I gave each other ‘The Look’. An italian restaurant should really get their coffee pronunciation down.

Whatever, this place ain’t ultra classy … it’s regular fine.

Make a reservation, go on a half price night, don’t get your hopes up.

Open daily for lunch and dinner.

Bonus: Heated Patio

Double Bonus: Parking available around back

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Perfect Pairing:

Wintersleep – s/t from 2003

or

Justin Nozuka – you i wind land and sea

827 Bute (upstairs), Vancouver BC

604.689.8266

Website

Ebisu is a delicious disaster. I like Ebisu – the food and presentation are both fantastic and the service is fast and efficient. So what’s the problem? How come I’m not raving about Ebisu telling everyone to go there? Because Ebisu gives me a headache! It tries too hard to be the hippest place on Robson – and I’m just not feeling it. When you walk in it feels as though you’re in a nightclub just as much as a restaurant. Everyone is there just to be seen. And I keep expecting some loser with overly gelled hair to try buying me a drink.

I can’t properly explain Ebisu – it feels cluttered – like the menu is a flyer for discount wares and the decor inspiration is pulled form 17 different ideas. A good example of how Ebisu is over the top is the menu – there are Japanese, Korean, American, and Mexican dishes. Yes, Mexican – why not get a side of nachos with your tuna sashimi? Seems weird – too weird. But it is sort of a good thing, since this way there is really something for eveyone – the whinny person in the group who refuses to try raw fish can order the yam fries and New York steak.

I suppose you’d refer to Ebisu as a Japanese restaurant – but I’d use the Japanese term very loosely since it’s such a mash up of so many different things – it’s too different and bizarre to call it izakaya, so let’s go with the generic term “small plates”.  The portions at Ebisu are mainly small plates for sharing – so the dishes seem cheap – but the price adds up quickly; and watch out for the weird price points – it might make it difficult to calculate totals in your head. We filled up nicely on several dishes that were all under $10 – but it totalled more than $25 each by the end.

The presentation at Ebisu is nice, super nice. we got the bacon wrapped asparagus ($4.95) and it came to the table with a small fire pit so we could crisp it up even more –  but then little sticks sorta caught on fire and I thought ‘jeez – that’s a little excessive just for presentation’. The presentation style was similar to this oyster – which will have to do because I didn’t take a photo of the asparagus:

We also had the cheese yakitori ($5.64), which was really good and uber cheesy with green onions interspersed throughout. The chicken was tender and served on the metal skewer. The beef short ribs were succulent and in ample supply for $6.98. One of the table’s favorites was the cajun tuna tacos ($6.98) – the tacos were crispy and the fish was perfectly done and doused in a creamy sauce – where the cajun aspect fit in I’m not too sure – but they were still delicious.

We tried a couple types of sushi rolls – they were all pretty good and decently sized – we went for a unagi tempura roll and a yummy fresh veggie roll for a mere $4.80 – it tasted like a crisp salad of lettuce, yam, avocado, red pepper, and carrot wrapped in rice.  I also tried the delightfully creamy sashimi salad which is served on greens and extra sauced for $9.57

So yes, Ebisu is delicious and I recommend it – if you don’t mind the really annoying excessive hipness and the waitresses wearing hypnotiq shirts. Bleech.

No, I didn’t take these pictures – they are too good. I ripped them off Ebisu’s website.

There is now also an Ebisu at 601 W. Broadway  @ Ash   tel. 604-876-3388

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Perfect Pairing:

Crystal Castles

1635 Robson St, Vancouver BC

(604) 602-0021

Overall Kosetsu is good. There’s nothing bad about it – I predict that it will soon flourish based on it’s price and location. But I probably won’t be back anytime soon.

Kosetsu opened earlier this week on Robson finally filling a spot that’s been vacant for over the past year. The interior looks fancy – with decor that is all black accented by tables made out of a stylish natural light wood. The attempt at a fancy image continues by delighting patrons with very upscale presentation. However, the food isn’t upscale; which is fine, since most dishes hit the wallet at around the $10 mark. The food is decent – but nothing to really rave about. We tried a few different things: Chicken Karrage ($6), Wonton Trio ($6), small sashimi ($12), Terichiki ($11), Yakiudon ($8), and Yakitori Donburi ($8).

Almost all the dishes were lovely. The Wonton Trio was a tasty treat of salmon, crab, and chicken in teeny individual wonton cups. The crab was creamy and the salmon had a bit of zing in its special sauce – they were pretty good for only $2 each cup. I was impressed by the thin, crisp wonton shaped like flower cups – ’cause I find wonton difficult to work with.

The Yakiudon and Yakitori Donburi were both good. Nothing bad, nothing amazing. Both were a mere $8 for a decent portion of decent food. I liked the Yakiudon a little more – it had a nice earthy flavor.

My favorite dish was the Terichiki. It was 4 layers of yummy teriyaki chicken with lovely slices of deep fried eggplant atop a pile of spinach. For $11 it was the best of the dishes and very sharable. Unfortunately, the Terichiki wasn’t cooperative for the photoshoot and insisted on toppling over with no hope of reconstruction.

There were some gristly pieces in the chicken…not the end of the world. I still thought Kosetsu was a steal of a deal until the sashimi came. Unfortunately, the sashimi was the last dish we tried and it was a huge let down. At first I was excited because the presentation was really nice and it came with special dipping sauces:

The snapper was tough and there were parts I considered inedible. I thought ‘well, I don’t really like snapper, I should try my absolute favorite: tuna’. The tuna was not top quality. It was either dry, or old, or both.  I thought the sashimi sucked and I was pissed off – too pissed off to even try the salmon which everyone told me was the best one. But still, if two of the three sashimi types are bad cuts or not totally fresh it’s not fish that should be used for sashimi – and I don’t think that having one good piece of sashimi is worth $12. Maybe since they don’t have sushi on the menu they don’t have a good raw fish chef.

I probably won’t be back anytime soon because there are plenty of other Japanese restaurants in this part of town and many of them are better than Kosetsu. However, Kosetsu will probably flourish based on the low overall price of the dishes alone. And I won’t be surprised if next time I walk by it’s packed inside. If you are thinking of dining at Kosetsu, I suggest you go now before they up their prices and/or you have to wait in line.

Well, I might go back. I really wanted to try the deep fried potato. It’s only $4 and it has cajun flavoring! Next time, I will just avoid the sashimi.

Please note: though Kosetsu is a japanese restaurant there is NO sushi (and the sashimi sucks).

No parking – but there is a little patio out front.

Open nightly for dinner 5pm to midnight Wednesday – Sunday. Closed Monday and Tuesday.

–or at least it was. They have been experimenting with their hours, lately. I have seen them open during lunchtime — and they basically appear to be open all the time now.

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Prefect Pairing:

Panic at the disco – a fever you can’t sweat out

West Hastings and Cambie (downstairs), Vancouver, BC

604.688.1655

website

Nuba is loud, popular, delicious and basically everything one could hope for when going to an awesomely hip eating establishment. The decor is simple and works hard to get across its desired reincarnation of 40’s Beirut vibe. The service is fast, efficient, polite, and easy going. And the food ….. dear god. The food is absolutely ridiculously good. I couldn’t believe it. Get anything … or rather get EVERYTHING. It is all damn good. From the creamy red lentil soup to the roasted cornish game hen – the food at Nuba is always hit, never miss.  There are plenty of vegan dishes (11 of 27) and the prices are  VERY affordable – don’t worry about the portion sizes – they look small – but that is deceiving as it always is when establishments strive to use top quality ingredients. I am an eater – a good, big eater. Yes, I will finish my meal and probably yours too – but 2 dishes from the mezz section (appitizers/tapas) would probably be enough. You might regret trying to tackle 3 mezz dishes; and if you try a mezz and a main your belt might blow right off. All five of my dining companions were taking some serious deep breaths and grumbling about being overfull before the end was even near. But no, we did not stop eating until the deliciousness was consumed – the food at Nuba is too good to go to waste. Let’s look at some of the pictures and reminisce over the goodness.

I began withe the fruit et feta salad ($8.5) – now this ain’t no regular feta – it is creamy amazing macedonian feta – and the greens are topped with a variety of chopped nuts and dried apricots. Oh my, YES. It is finished off with a red wine vinagrette that hits your taste buds in all the right places.

I was also lucky enough to try the Najib special ($7) which is a tasty little dish of crispy cauliflower tossed with lemon and seasalt. If you thought you didn’t like cauliflower – you will be proved wrong at Nuba. Crispy, browned, toothsome. I sampled the lovely falafel – there’s something different in the spice mix here, but it’s a closely guarded secret that Nuba will not reveal. I also stole a lovely, juicy, fat tiger prawn in a spicy oyster mushroom melange – totally worthy of the $16 price tag. And I got to dive my fork into the eggplant rattatouille – which for a mere $8 is a virtual towner of sauteed eggplant.

Onto my main:

The outstanding cornish hen ($16). This mouthwatering taste treat is roasted with herbs and spices and served over babaghnnoj (roasted eggplant puree). I was blown away – I’ve made cornish hen at home and it SUCKS compared to this. The hen was tender and nearly boneless. The fowl paired with the smoky eggplant had me floating up to food heaven.

The only thing better than the hen was the beef tenderloin ($18). It was a delight of rare grilled beef served on the cold side – with roasted potatoes. From now on anytime I order a steak I want to order it “extra rare, extra delicious”.

Yum. Yum. Yum.

That is all.

All of Nuba’s meats are free-range, non-medicated, and hormone-free. And Nuba tries to use organic, local ingredients whenever possible.

Though Nuba is in a basement and seats over 60 – you need to make a reservation. It is too good – and everyone knows it.

They have 2 additional locations – but they are more takeout cafe style places:

146 East 3rd (at Main)

1206 Seymour (at davie)

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Perfect pairing:

Nushi – Future Hazzard

Enjoy the Najib special while you listen to Najieb sing his guts out.

or

The National – High Violet

The National keeps hitting the sweet spot – they seem to be improving a little more after each album – if you thought you were in love at Alligator – you will realize that was just the tip of the titanic iceburg.

777 Thurlow (at Robson) – Vancouver BC

604 669 1940

Website

If I had to sum up Joe Fortes in just one word it would be: Loud. My first impression of Joe’s was two stories of yelling punctuated by a lively pianist perched midway up the staircase. Okay, I admit that ‘loud’ can easily be interpreted as ‘lively’. But still I wouldn’t recommend Joe’s for a quiet romantic night, a dinner with your hard of hearing grandma, or anyone prone to headaches.

My second impression came from the service which was polite and informative – but our main server wasn’t that ‘into us’ (if you know what I mean). It seemed like she’d really rather be serving someone else. I understand. That’s exactly how I feel at work most of the time, too. It’s a hard feeling to hide. Lucky for us there were about 134239 servers as well as busboys, pepper grinders, water fillers, and some sort of supervisor types milling about to jump to our aid.

Anyway, let’s move onto the menu. Joe’s has an extensive wine list with over 400 different wines ranging in price from $20 to $450. There is something for everyone…pretty much. But I do have a valuable tip for you. I rarely drink alcohol at restaurants because it is a freaking rip off! Maybe you already knew that. Our perfectly likable 0.5L of Californian Matchbook Syrah ran us $33 at Joe’s – whereas I stumbled across a bottle at the liquor store for a mere $17. It was even the same year. Boo, restaurants! Yay, liquor store!

Ah well, back to the menu. Joe’s is a seafood and chop house – so the oyster bar looks great, there is plenty of fresh fish to choose from and there are some tasty looking steaks. The prices on the dinner menu start at about $20. What can I say? It all seems reasonable until you get to the $60 crab legs. Those crab legs better be dipped in freaking GOLD! But – get over it – because the rest of the menu looks good and we came for Dine Out Vancouver anyhow.

Ryan is getting the caesar salad, salmon caught by Rick Burns (a Vancouver based fisher), and the chocolate lava cake. I’m ordering the clam chowder, sirloin and prawns, and vanilla creme brulee.

The appetizers were sort of a let down. The croutons in the caesar are real tooth cracking, cheek cutters and the clam chowder is strangely spicy with an overwhelming aroma of pig. But the clams in the chowder are great and that is the feature.

The salmon (pictured at the beginning of the post) was served with artichokes, red pepper puree, and fennel and it was absolutely divine. The prawns were delightful and I wish there would have been 300 of them instead of a mere 3. The steak was a lovely, juicy, flavorful meal. And it was nice to find that Joe’s knows the meaning of medium-rare-RARE.

Both the mains were exceptionally yummy. Of course, my meal wouldn’t be complete without a baseless complaint:

when I saw lima beans on my plate I whined like a spoiled 6 year old “are those LIMA beans?! I feel like I’m in HELL!” But seriously, who still eats lima beans?! They are the worst! Fortunately, I survived the senseless and brutal ordeal of eating 4 lima beans. The first one was just to make sure lima beans are still disgusting (they are), and the other 3 limas were ingested accidentally because they were all mixed in with the tasty corn and buttery mashed potatoes.

Finally, the ungodly lima beans were cleared away and the desserts arrived. The creme brulee was light and fluffy. But it was just a regular creme brulee. Whereas the lava cake was so good and so dark I felt like I’d just fallen into a deep bucket of sin. I didn’t want to wait to take a picture nor did I want Ryan to have any of it.

I mean, sure, I’ve made lava cake at home but it tasted like dirty penises compared to this magically rich dessert. Things this good are usually illegal, and if the police had been there this cake would have been arrested. It’s always nice to end on a great dessert. If you’re dining at Joe’s I say skip the appetizers and order double desserts.

Make that triple desserts.

Bonuses: Rooftop garden, live music nightly, accepts online reservations via open table, takes part in the Ocean Wise conservation program.

Open for brunch, lunch, and dinner.

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Perfect Pairing:

Frank Sinatra – Sinatra Sings Days of Wine and Roses, Moon River, and Other Academy Award Winners

Yes, that’s the title.

871 Denman, Vancouver, BC

(604) 608-1677

Website

Kingyo is a darling Japanese Izakaya (tapas) restaurant on Denman. If I was rich enough I would go there everyday. But I’m not. So I’ve been there twice. The first time we went I was wowed by the deep wood and bamboo decor and the exemplary service. The restaurant had just changed its menu and the chefs were trying out some new specials. The entire staff was on edge and the servers kept asking us if everything was okay – even the chef came out to inquire. I laughed as though it was some sort of crazy joke. How could it not be good? Everything was superb. Kingyo is a little pricey – but what izakaya isn’t? Kingyo is  well worth the $$$. Every time I walk by Kingyo I gaze in longingly at the happy patrons wishing I could be them.

This time we swung by for lunch. Most of the dishes are around the $10 range – and all of them sound good. How could you not be convinced by menus that make claims like “the super famous deluxe extremely sophisticated well designed bento box that will satisfy every single customer”. They don’t even have to give any hint of what the food actually is. I decided on the special bento box (makunouchi) based on the menu explantation alone. I did ask the waitress what was in it –> it has ten small versions of regular popular dishes. Yes, TEN dishes for $16. It blew my mind when it came out.

Kingyo has such great presentation! I almost want to look at the food more than I want to eat it. All the dishes in the special bento box were good – some more complex than others. My favorites were the kobe beef dish (bottom left corner), the tuna tataki (far left, middle row), the rare beef (bottom row, white plate), and the chicken karaage (middle row, blue bowl). Ones that didn’t totally rock my tastebuds were the boring pickles and leeks (top middle) and the tofu which was too soggy for my tastes.

My dining companion had the tonkatsu (pork cutlet) which came with a mountain of cabbbage and two great sauces (for $14). Both the meals were delicious and huge. Light eaters could probably get away with sharing a dish; however, we are NOT light eaters. We also ordered a lovely tuna carpaccio with avocado and greens ($9). And desserts. The desserts were great. I had the tiramisu which weirded me out at first because we were at an authentic Japanese restaurant….so why would they even offer the italian classic? I was again confused when the tiramisu came out and it was green. But it was delicious with lots of elements of traditional tiramisu. But it was matcha instead of chocolate and sake instead of espresso. Good eats for a mere $3.80.

We also decided to get a couple drinks. Kingyo has a full bar of fancy looking cocktails that are original. I had a lychee liquor with grapefruit juice($6). It was so refreshing and delicious that I sucked the whole thing down before my main course even touched the table. But at that rate the drink prices will ruin you – so watch out for that.

Ambiance = 10   Decor = 10   Service = 10   Food = 8   Drinks = 9

This is a charming sort of place where they put a heavy emphasis on presentation style and the use of fine quality ingredients. They flaunt the fact that they use salt from Utah’s ancient seabeds and rice cooked with Japanese wood charcoal. Kingyo is worth the price they demand. Perfect for a fancy night out or a hot date. But make a reservation because every smart guy in town is taking their hot date there tonight, too.

Note: there is hardly any sushi on the menu. Izakaya all the way!

Bonus: Open ’til 2am on weekends! And open daily for lunch and dinner!

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Perfect Pairing:

Japandroids – Post-Nothing.

Every time Japan and Vancouver collide – magic happens.

604 622 4462

website

I lost my mind when Dine Out Vancouver started this year and rushed into making all my important food related decisions. I totally mixed the Brasserie Bistro up with La Brasserie on Davie st when I was making my reservation – but that didn’t matter any, ’cause the stupid La Brasserie isn’t taking part in dine out this year anyway. Though I accidentally booked at a freaking hotel restaurant, my mouth still slobbered up a storm while looking at the dine out menu:

	Escargot Sautéed in garlic butter, sun dried tomatoes and artichokesin a lemon butter cream, served with frisee salad
Appetizer	OR
	Caesar Salad Served with crispy Pancetta, Focaccia wafer and shredded parmesan
	Lavender Grapefruit Crusted Wild Salmon over a Tuscany Tomato Sauce served with seasonal vegetables and basmati rice
Entree	OR
	Beef Tenderloin with grainy mustard jus served with seasonal vegetables and creamy whipped potato
	OR
	Wild Mushroom Ravioli sun dried tomato, asiago cheese and a lemon caper cream sauce
Dessert	Black Current Yogurt Mousse and Cointreau Chocolate Shooter

See what I mean?! It was looking goooo-oood!

The restaurant itself did not look quite so good. I had to stifle a laugh when we walked in. I couldn’t help but soak up the amazing first impression I got from the Brasserie Bistro. Let’s review the checklist:

Romantic rope lights? check!

Mismatched linens? check!

Sad, sad patrons? check!

Hideously patterned upholstery? check!

Windows with a sweet view of the inside of a mall? check!

A server who clearly doesn’t give a damn? check!

Yup – we’re certainly dining at a hotel tonight.

I tried hard to get over my gigglefest and get down to business. Though we went for the dineout menu – I quickly browsed the regular menu. It looked decent with a fair variety of dishes ranging from $15-30. Sticking to our original plan (as ridiculous as it may have been) we ordered off of the special dine out feature menu; we ordered the caesar salads, one mushroom ravioli, and one salmon. When the salads came I took one look and said “well, I’m gonna need this!” as I reached for the lemon.

The salad actually turned out to be fine. Not too saucy, not limp, it was totally average good. Well, except for the focaccia wafer – which was super suck-tacluar.

The mushroom ravioli’s sauce may have been a little heavy on the cream – but it was a tasty dish with the pasta cooked to perfection.

The salmon was also good – the grapefruit flavor was a nice compliment to the salmon. But some dumbo decided to sprinkle black olives all over the damn place. Who ever suggested that olives could get along without cheese, alcohol, and/or loads of oil?! Olives are gross-o with tomato and fish! Bad olives! Bad!

–Sorry, I don’t have a decent picture of the salmon or the offending olives.

The best part by far was the dessert. Mmmmmmm, cherries and black currant yogurt mousse with chocolate! Woot! I LOVE black currant – look how amazing the dessert looks – plus, it tastes even better than it looks!

Overall the Brasserie was good but not exactly worth the $28 (please note, my dining companion was hesitant to agree with this statement because in all fairness we did get a 3 course meal for $28). But still – if you ever find yourself eating at the Brasserie Bistro – get your dad to pay.

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Prefect pairing:

Julie & Julia

No, this is not a CD. I know that – but this cute little flick just might make you feel as though your loves of food, paris, and blogging is not a total waste of a life.

No, this is not a restaurant review. Here I am going to divulge to you, my lucky readers, my amazing chili recipe! Why would I just give away this amazing recipe when I could probably sell it for a million dollars? Because I am so very tired of people throwing themselves at my feet and begging for the recipe – the townspeople just sob at my feet crying all day long for the truth behind my amazing chili. Everybody wants to know: what is the secret ingredient? Well, let me tell ya, it’s not magic. Here’s the first twist – there isn’t a secret ingredient in my chili. There are four.

Let’s begin with a look back at the origin of chili.

Chili con carne is basically a spicy stew. The name is Spanish and means peppers with meat. Chili is a diverse dish that spans many different geographical regions. But chili as we know it has it’s origin in northern Mexico.  Native American legend tells the story of chili preparation being taught to Indians by a Spanish Nun in the early 1600’s. I know there is no “right way” to make chili and there is plenty of controversy over chili ingredients. I’m not trying to start any fights but I know Texas-style chili has no beans in it. Now, I love Texas and it’s foods. But this is Vancouver and I ain’t making no Texas-style chili. No, Texas, I’m not poor. I’m not substituting beans for meat. I just think chili should be able to have both. Now, I know you’re all complaining like spoiled 4 year olds “but Lynn! we don’t like beans!”. I hear you. Maybe you’ve just been eating too many of the wrong kinds of beans. I agree that kidney beans blow and they have no place in my chili.

Now don’t go getting any ideas about how you could “improve” upon my chili recipe. If you go fiddling around with it adding in pineapple and skipping the beans or whatnot you will screw everything up, so just put down that package of discount ground beef and PAY ATTENTION.

Allright – let’s get cracking, as you may know, I tend to get a little chatty – so the ingredients have been bolded and italicized for your easy reading pleasure:

First, start the garlic roasting. It’s easy. how to roast garlic See? Whenever the garlic’s done – just chuck it in the pot.

Next – cut up the beef brisket* into inch by inch cubes. Don’t worry – beef brisket isn’t as expensive as you may think. You will be able to buy enough for a large pot of chili for $8-10. Throw the brisket into a pot with a bit of heated oil – we’re lightly browning it along with a small package of ground pork **. Yes, 2 different kinds of meat – that’s the first part of my chili’s greatness. Now, don’t cook the meat too high or too long or it’ll get chewy and bad. Chop up a small  onion. I like to use a yellow onion – but it don’t really matter. Get that onion in with the meat. Now – start throwing in spices. You can put in whatever you like and however much of it makes your tastebuds feel happy. I chop up a dried chilli pepper, chuck in a bit of basil, a bay leaf, some paprika, a bunch of  cracked black pepper, a titchy bit of oregano, half a bucket of cumin – now cumin is “the chili spice” it goes in every North American chili; without the cumin you got nothing, and finally a generous sprinkling of chili powder. Be careful with the chili powder it packs a spicy punch – just put a little in at first then add more near the end to adjust for desired spiciness. You can put in more, less, different spices than what I do. It’ll be okay.

Now is time to dump in all our cans of everything. One can of each of the following should suffice – but make sure to drain off all the excess liquids from each can:

whole kernel corn

sliced mushrooms

black beans

pinto beans

whole or diced tomatoes (if using whole tomatoes smush ‘em up good with a spoon against the side of the pot)

tomato paste

Stir it around for a while. Let it simmer a bit. Now, if you want a more even consistency or you like your chili more red and less meaty – it is a-ok to add in a small can of plain old tomato sauce.

Now is the pot brimming with goodness? Super, let’s add the last couple of ingredients. No, the pot is not going to overflow. It’ll be okay. Let’s put in that roasted garlic – you may have forgotten about. Next we need a surprisingly large dose of cocoa powder***. No, I am not crazy. Cocoa is wonderful in chili. Haven’t you ever eaten mole?!  Chocolate and chili are flavors that go well together. As are chocolate and meat, so don’t be afraid. Cocoa powder is chocolatey but it is not sweet, so you CANNOT substitute with a packet carnation instant hot chocolate powder!

And finally pour in one can or bottle of beer ****. It doesn’t really matter what beer you use. A dark, flavorful beer is good. Just don’t use a weirdo strawberry beer or anything too sweet or fruity. Let the chili simmer on really really low for as long as possible. I like to give it at least an hour. That way all the flavours can mix and the meat gets really tender. Stir it up once in a while and keep tasting it – it probably needs more chili powder, cumin, and cocoa. I find I keep putting more and more of these three ingredients in as I go. I also tend to add more beer near the end.

Now, if you think the chili is way too watery (and adding the tomato paste didn’t help enough) you can attempt a final fix by adding a bit of flour. Flour will also wash out some of the spice so remember to mix the flour in thoroughly and then taste and re-spice, if needed.

The chili’s ready whenever. It usually takes me at least 2 or 3 hours from start to finish. Now get a good bread sliced up or some tortillas and don’t forget the shredded cheese. Some people still don’t seem to know that cheese + chili = BEST! I susally use cheddar – but almost any cheese would be good. The cheese is also good to cut through the spice if you went a little overboard on the chili powder or dried chili peppers.

I hope you enjoy my super amazing bestest chili ever!

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* – secret ingredient number 1

** – secret ingredient number 2

***- secret ingredient number 3

****- secret ingredient number 4

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Get Up Kids – Simple Science.

People have been waiting years for this – just as they have been for my chili recipe.

835 Denman St, Vancouver BC

Whichever name you call it by  this restaurant has kick ass thai food. Very tasty, very authentic, very very damn good. It makes me shake my head in disgust as I walk by the crummy packed chain thai place, Thangthai, located down the street. Madame Elephant is nearly empty every night – which is ultra sad. Sure, Thangthai has a better ambiance and it’s cheaper – but the food is way suckier.

I’ve been to Madame Elephant a few times – so let me try to recall each delicious item. I’ve had the Poh Tek twice – once in a giant pot to share ($17) and once in a single serving ($6). The Poh Tek is a delicious seafood soup comprised of mussels, squid, and shrimp. The broth is a tasty thin red concoction with loads of ginger and cilantro giving it a lovely warm flavor. The giant pot was better – there was more seafoody goodnesss and the smaller serving seemed to have more inedible ginger hunks.

I’ve also had the satay chicken ($9). It was good enough. Four large pieces of tender chicken – the menu said it came with peanut sauce and cucumber sauce – but the cucumber sauce was more like a delicious salad. We also ordered the Pad Neua Nam Man Hoy ($13). The menu totally undersold this gem by saying it was stir fried beef with oyster sauce. But it was really thinly sliced beef strips loaded with cracked pepper, fresh broccoli florets, sweet onion and a flavor good enough to drink. And the yellow curry ($13), oh man – this coconut milk curry with chicken is so good. It’s smooth and sweet and perfect with slices of fried garlic mixed in. It’s so absolutely so freaking amazing I have ordered it more than once. I have also tried the green eggplant curry – which is yummers, too.

The Nam Tok (grilled beef salad with burnt rice) is also great. Though I wouldn’t really call it a salad. It’s thin rare beef pieces served on a huge leaf of lettuce with an artfully carved carrot flower on the side. But it is still great and worth the $13. The flavor of the beef is enough on its own to get me to order this dish again and again.

Madame Elephant has rich flavors that permeate everything from broths to curries to each morsel of meat – everything is delectable. But don’t forget your manners and blow the date by licking your plate. It’s SO unladylike.

Bonus – the owners are always there and always wanting you to have a great dinning experience. The servers are also sweeties that will cater nicely to you if they know you as a regular.

Antibonus – the acoustics suck for a restaurant so it’s loud. I don’t recommend it when you’re hung over and there is a screaming baby seated 2 tables away. Okay – the second hangover antibonus is that they don’t have COFFEE. WTF?! Sure, the place is Thai – but we live in Canada and it’s 2010.

Yes – you are correct there is not a picture of the food. I have been slacking off hard. Though I have been to this restaurant 4 times I have neglected to bring my camera every single time. That goes for several of my recent reviews. Sorry. Above is a picture of how beautiful Thai beaches are. And below I have included a handy map so you can find Thailand on your journeys.

Madame Elephant is open each day from 12-3 for lunch and 5-10 for dinner. My understanding is that Thailand is open 24/7.

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Perfect pairing:

Sea Wolf – Leaves in the river.