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Dry Brushing

The number one questions I have gotten regarding the Cleanse has been: What is Dry Brushing?
Well, actually, the top questions are:
1- Are you crazy? and 2- What will you eat?
But the number one non-idiotic question is: What is Dry Brushing?
So here you go!

One of the main functions of your skin is to excrete toxins and waste produced by your body, which brings us to today’s wellness topic – dry brushing.

I finally tried dry brushing.
And it is the greatest thing… since….toothbrushing. Hairbrushing. Cat brushing.
GO TEAM BRUSHING!
Why did it take me so long to jump onboard? Why haven’t you jumped onboard?
Probably because I just didn’t understand what it was.
Or likely because I saw all the baloney posts about how it will cure cellulite.
Just like how shark cartilage keeps you from getting cancer, right?

NO! It doesn’t “cure” cellulite. I don’t think anything does. (Also, stop eating sharks, ya jerk!). But dry brushing does improve the general appearance of the skin and perhaps smooth out some of those lumpy cellulite deposits. Dry brushing is also a way to increase your energy while decreasing stress, lifting brain fog and supporting your digestive health, which are practical considerations that help you not only feel good but look good!

BUT there are loads of great benefits to dry brushing. For starters: It’s inexpensive, fast, you can do it at home, and it feels amazinggggg.

Other beneficial points include:
Increased circulation
Lymphatic drainage (which sounds gross, but is super good)
Smaller pores
Brighter skin
and, did I mention: it feels AMAZINGGGGG

Dry brushing is just that:
Get a bristle-y brush and rub it all over your body inwards towards your heart.
Then shower
Then put on all the lotion

It’s basically an exfoliation to loosen and remove dead skin and promote circulation. But this method doesn’t use any silly products. No expense or breakouts for you and no plastic microbeads for the ocean. Win-win!

One of the most seriously beneficial reasons to begin dry brushing your skin is to stimulate your lymphatic system, which is essentially a network of tissues and organs that help transport metabolic waste out of your body.
Using the correct body brushes (one with a long handle comes in handy) as well as the right methods, body brushing can impact your body in ways that promote healing, skin vibrancy and improved circulation.

This simple exercise helps you unclog your pores and eliminate toxins that may be trapped in your skin.

You can get these brushes anywhere, even the dollar store. And they come in a variety of types at loads of different price points.
I got one on Amazon for $6 and it was delivered the next day. Thanks, Amazon!

So here I am brushing away, I was supposed to start off just a couple times a week gently and then increase as my skin got used to it.
As it may cause redness or irritation at first.
But I am not completely insane so I know we are supposed to brush gently. Not rip off the skin or rub my stomach raw. And, as you may have heard, dry brushing feels amazinggggggggg – so I have been doing it every day for the past 5 days.
Already my skin feels softer.
Has my lymphatic drainage improved? Ummmm, no comment. I’m not a scientist. But it probably hasn’t worsened my lymphatic drainage.
I may not be a top doctor, but I AM a part-time optimist.

But seems to me that dry brushing is energizing, invigorating, skin softening, and stress relieving.

The reason I’ve jumped on the Dry Brushing bandwagon is that I’m doing this nutty super cleanse starting next week and this is by far the easiest part, so might as well get started early.
Also, as many of you may have noticed, my skin has been total garbage since…. well right around the time I started eating tons of dairy and working for the devil. Both of those are phasing out though and with the dry brushing, hopefully, all of it gets a bit sorted!

Here’s the rundown, if you want to engage in the dry brushing yourself.
Start working on your feet, using gentle, circular, upward motions toward your heart from the tips of your toes, including the tops of your feet, your soles and moving upward.
Brush slowly and gently; it can be difficult to cover your stomach, sides and chest (especially if you’re ticklish), it will become less so as your body gets used to the sensation.
Do your arms, neck and as much of your back as you can get to.
Don’t use the regular brush on your face, as your skin is too delicate. Use a specially designed facial brush, which has softer bristles.
Once you’re finished, you can shower, which washes away all the dead skin cells you’ve loosened. Water set at warm or hot further increases your circulation.

I’m telling you – just try it. It feels so good and now I understand why cats and dogs are begging to be stroked.
You’ll see!

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The Cleanse

So I am undertaking the challenge of going on a cleanse.

I know that doesn’t sound too daunting. But this isn’t some 2 days “cleanse” of just drinking carrot juice.
This one is intense.

It’s 3 weeks of:
No Wheat
No Gluten
No Dairy
No Sugar
No Preservatives
No Smoking
No Alcohol

I’m embarking on this ordeal with Kelly, Liz, and Zoe.
Now, Kelly is my naturopath who developed this cleanse and Liz is dedicated to self-improvement, so I don’t think they will have much trouble following the program.
On the other hand, I have traditionally gotten a zero at sticking to diets.
And last time we tried No Sugar – Zoe threw in the towel on day 2 after eating a bunch of candy on day 1.So…. we will just have to see how that goes.

Since this was actually developed by a doctor who cares about my wellbeing, the cleanse doesn’t just have dietary restrictions to cut out, it also includes:

Probiotics everyday
A botanical as an antifungal and antibacterial
Something daily to support the lymphatic system. This could be a steam, sauna, exercise, or dry brushing.
Something daily to support liver and kidney health. This would be an increase in the amount of water consumed.
I am confident I will win at the water aspect. Ever since I got a Soda Stream my water intake has gone way up! …. No, I am not a spokesperson for the company. I just like carbonated water, ok?

Here are some pictures of me naked to help you better understand the Lymphatic System

This is a lot to take on – especially since my diet is so garbage-filled these days. I mean even ALAN BLACKBURN yelled at me “THAT’S NOT FOOD” when I offered him a cheezie. If APB has a better diet than I do, I must be in bad shape.

But I am onboard! I already bought a Groupon for dry sauna sessions AND a dry brush. Whooooo whooooo.

To encourage me to stay the course, you are invited to join us for Challenge: Cleanse

Or, if you are too scared, but still want to support my efforts, you are invited to make a donation to help endangered bumblebees during my 3-week journey into darkness (and, of course, better health).
You can get all the bee-related donation info right here:
https://www.canadahelps.org/en/pages/birthday-buzzzz/
The donation page will be available until my birthday in August, so you have plenty of time to help me reach my goal.

If anyone wants to join us for the adventure, we are starting on July 10th and specifics for “No Sugar” include:
No Sucrose
Reasonable amounts of honey, molasses, and maple sugar are a-ok.

Specifics of “No Preservatives” include:
MSG, nitrates, potassium sorbate, and sodium benzoate.

If you have questions, hit me up!

Big love,
Lynn <3

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Plane panties

You know when you are on an airplane for long enough that you just feel DONE?
Done with travel.
Done with hauling luggage all across planet earth.
Done with airplane food.
Done with timezones.
Done with the person sitting behind you.
Done with all of it.
Especially your clothes.
Yep – you have been wearing the same sweaty, wrinkled, smelly, outfit for the past 14 hours and you don’t give a sh*t anymore.
So, obviously, you go into the airplane lavatory and immediately whip off your underwear.
Then, because you are an active member of human society, you fold up your underwear neatly and wrap it carefully in paper towels to hide what you’ve done from your fellow seatmates.

After that, you are free to move onto all the other weird stuff you need to get done.
You wash your face, comb your hair, brush your teeth, try spritzing on that horrible “aroma mist” that is supplied, and find out that you forgot to pack your pills in your carry on toiletries bag.

After all that, you arrange yourself as presentable and modestly scurry back to your seat.

Sure, 15 minutes later you jump up with a start because you realize you left your carefully wrapped underwear sitting on the counter in the lavatory. But then you slowly settle back down.
You don’t want to look like a weirdo who goes back into the bathroom right away. Plus, you’re in the last row. You’d have to walk past everyone and feel the scathing judgment of all 4 flight attendants. That underwear isn’t like top tier or anything. Sure, it’s a pineapple print, but you’re so tired and you truly don’t want to see any item of the clothes you’re wearing ever again.
The black and white dress with the torn sash, the purple flats that rub your left baby toe, and those stupid pineapple print panties that could easily be considered “grannie panties”.
So you brush it out of your mind, they’re gone.
Dead to you.
Good, one less thing to carry back to N. America. One less thing to wash once you get back home. One less thing to fold and put away. One less “grannie pantie” secret shame.

Life charges forward, and you along with it.

So why did you even bother in the first place?
What is this need to dress “appropriately” when traveling via the airport?
Because your mama taught you to always wear clean underwear in case you were ever in a car accident. But in an airport?
Well, let me tell you.
In N. America, when you get patted down, it’s with a gloved back of hand lightly passing over you. Frequently accompanied by mumbled apologies from the officer. But in Indonesia, they will just straight up grab you and run their fingers right up your butt crack, pushed up close enough to feel the sweat.
That’s why. Underwear in that situation is as welcomed as water in the desert. I’ve never been so happy as to have that thin strip of extra fabric between me and that stranger’s probing finger.

But the security check was long over, and yet I had almost an entire day on a plane to endure. So long, panties!
Or so I thought.

Moments later, an overly dedicated flight attendant was barreling swiftly down the aisle. Stopping at each seat, demanding an answer to a question.
What was she asking? What could the issue be?
As the very last person in the last row, I was the last to find out.
It all became clear when she shoved the pineapple panties in my face and asked if they were mine.

Of course, they were mine. I was the only person to have used the lavatory so far on the flight.
I knew they were mine.
She knew they were mine.
And now every passenger in first and business class knew they were mine as well.
I snatched up my (no longer) secret shame and jammed them deep down into the cushions of my seat. My heart pounded, my face warmed with heat from my embarrassed blush, and my seatmate looked positively baffled.

The next seventeen hours were going to be interesting.
Or so I thought.
Little did I know 10 hours from that moment, my naked boob would fall out of my top of the whole plane to see.
I really need to start focusing more on my wardrobe choices.

So, did I bring them all the way back and dutifully wash them, fold them, and return them to the back of my drawer?
Or did I forget them jammed down between the cushions of my seat?

Well, that’s for me to know.
And you to…. never know.

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Step into my office

I bought a Groupon for a massage.
Seems normal, right? Sure – I buy Groupons all the time and they are usually totally fine.

I browsed the website for the massage spa first. Seemed like a legit establishment, decent reviews, I was excited.

I called to book the appointment but no one answered the phone.
For 3 days.

I am always a little bit wary of Groupon places – because there is a reason they are offering services at a discounted price. Yet I was undeterred. I looked up my exact Groupon and called the number listed there. A woman answered. Success!
But she answered it: “Hello, yeah?” Not success.
Either this was just some person or the least professional business of all time.

I made an appointment for my massage and also asked to add a pedicure to my appointment. She responded that they are not currently doing pedicures. First of all, it says they do pedicures on the website, and second of all, what type of garbage spa doesn’t have pedicures? That’s the most basic spa service of all. I could do a pedicure myself for god’s sake.

I asked for her to remind me of the spa’s address. She said she would text it to me with my appointment confirmation. And, of course, the address she texted me was just some house, not the spa listed on the website.

So either I was now scheduled to get the worst massage of all time in some chick’s living room. Or I was planning on waltzing into the home of a serial killer.

Though I 50% really wanted to see this horrible place and enjoy the ridiculousness of it. The other 50% of me really didn’t want to get murdered in such a dumb and obvious way. So I cancelled my questionable appointment and returned the Groupon.

Over the years I have visited many many home businesses for different reasons.

I rarely was aware in advance that the business was being run out of a private residence, and if I had… I probably would have opted to go a different route.

Let’s review:

I “won” a raffle and got a really awkward acupuncture session in some guy’s garage. Decided afterwards I really don’t like acupuncture. But that might not be entirely acupuncture’s fault.

I went to a lawyer for a quick consult and simple form to be completed, in the basement of a private home. The guy wasn’t super amazing and afterwards, I realized business card stating “LOVE” should have been a bit of a red flag that he wasn’t really the type of lawyer I was looking for.

I got my haircut in my neighbour’s basement salon forever for $10 a pop.  The price was right, but the haircut matched the price tag. I put a stop to the cycle when I was 15 years old and asked her to shave my head. All future haircuts were then effectively cancelled.

And of course, I have been tricked into going to a “party” at an acquaintance’s place – where it just turned out to be a weird wine get together while they tried to sell us really overpriced candles, Tupperware, makeup, or whatever. I drank all the free wine and passed out immediately. Never spoke to that person again.

And I know you’re thinking that I sure am up on a high horse for someone who works from home.
I hear ya.
There are loads of legit businesses with people working from home.
Online, design, crafting, editing, creating, writing, concocting.
But those don’t invite clients into the home. And I think that’s the kicker.

 

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The Peel

Over the past year I have gone through quite a lot.
One of the results is that I feel I have been left with sad old lady skin.
My face has aged ten year in six months.

This left me wondering what I could do about it.
Obviously the best option would be a great skin care regiment. But that means I would go out and spend a bundle on product s that I would use sporadically, at best. That would be a waste of money, skin likes routine.

So what other options were out there?
I’d has spa facials before and they aggravated my skin more than anything, causing clogged pores.
I’d heard a lot about Botox, but wanted to do some research myself.
And it looks like Botox is not for me.
I’m not some famous movie star. I don’t want injections into my face, it targets only certain areas, and it’s temporary – so that would mean committing to a series of expensive treatments.

Now that I was in research mode, I kept digging. There were so many options! Micro-needling, laser treatments, dermapens, Acupuncture, cosmetic surgery, the list was scary. I finally got caught up in the idea of a chemical peel.

A peel seemed less invasive than many other procedures, I’d heard good things, it addressed many issues, and was an affordable one-time option.

A peel is essentially the process of resurfacing the face. A specific combination of chemicals onto the skin to cause it to peel off the top layer(s) and grow fancy new young skin in its place.
It’s a good way to deal with acne, light scarring, pigmentation issues, fine lines, and texturing.
Now, I wasn’t into the idea of a deep peel, I just wanted to start out with something light.

I looked up locations in the city and found something with good reviews that didn’t look like a dump or a spa.

I then made my appointment at SKN in Yaletown for a consult.

The intake was good, they asked my concerns and discussed options with me. Since I’d never really done much before and wanted sort of mild overall treatment, they strongly recommended I start with a Vitamin A infusion Peel. Which, though called a peel – is basically the complete opposite of a peel.

Instead of burning off the top layer of skin, Vitamin A is infused deep into the skin causing the cells below to turn over faster and effectively purge the face by shedding the top layer of skin.
The procedure is extremely safe and tolerated well by all skin types. It’s used for anti-ageing, acne, rosacea, hyper-pigmentation and normalized oil production.

This procedure sounded was less intense or invasive than anything else I’d researched and I agreed to it.

The next day I waltzed in for my appointment and found an adorable lady waiting for me.

Andrea began my 45-minute appointment by addressing all my concerns and questions.
Then with candles lit, lights turned down, and soothing music playing we were almost ready to begin.
Andrea advised me to take off my shirt since the treatment is bright orange.
I didn’t realize this appointment was going to be so romantic, so I quickly opted to strip down entirely to just my socks and snuggled under the mass of soft blankets on the massage table.

The process began with a thorough face cleansing which basically was an extended face massage followed by a hot towel.
God, I love that. I wonder how much it would cost to get a towel warmer to have at home…..

Anyway, step 2 was applying a papaya serum to the face to absorb a bunch of crummy old cells or something… I’m not a skincare expert.

Then a tingly cranberry serum,  which was the most uncomfortable aspect of the process. The mild tingling was really nothing at all, but it made me nervous because I didn’t know how strong it was going to get. But it was steamed and wiped off after just a few minutes.

Then it was onto the main event. The Vitamins and boosters were slathered on and I completely relaxed until I was nearly asleep by the end of it all.

Afterwards, I would have to avoid sunlight. It being December in Vancouver, that is entirely possible to accomplish with no effort put in whatsoever. I was also told to expect a bit of redness and possible flaking or peeling for the next few days. But other than that, there was no real downtime.

It’s only been a couple days, but my skin is a bit nicer – there is bright shiny glow and it feels wildly hydrated. Like I just wiped off cold cream.

I don’t expect amazing results, but for $125, I am pretty happy with the process overall.

Hopefully, that will satiate my need to go through any other procedures in the near future.

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Premium

Since my accident (http://tastyturntable.com/2017/10/01/the-bali-kiss/), I decided that I needed to upgrade a bit for my long haul flight back to the Northern Hemisphere.
I wasn’t asking for much when I called in to change my ticket, what I wanted was some extra legroom so I could stretch my mangled leg out slightly for the total 20 hrs of flight time I was facing. Extra legroom seats would have been a total of $200, and well worth it, in my opinion.
Unfortunately, the extra legroom options in Economy Class were only available in the exit rows, and since I have a sprained shoulder I cannot meet the responsibilities associated with those seats.
So, I was looking at the possibilities of an upgrade.
Upgrading to Business class would have been more than three times my entire fare, so I opted for the only other plausible option: Premium Economy for my longest flight.
I didn’t even ask what it offered, all I knew from observations in the past was that Premium Economy has footrests, and that’s exactly what I was hoping for.
So at $400 CAD for the upgrade I agreed it was worth it, working out to $28/hr for the 14-hour flight from HK to Van.

What else is offered in Premium Economy for Cathay Pacific long-haul flights? Now that I’m committed, I have to know.
Beyond the footrest, I can look forward to the following:

-Being seated directly behind the pods in business class, so I can feel sad and poor.
-Fast check-ins with my own attendant to check me and the other 35 Premium classers, no big line for me!
-10 lbs more allotted for each piece of luggage and a second bag free. This is great since I always go over in weight and I will be bringing back a second bag which would have cost me $100 CAD.
-Demanding a special passcard so I can use the airport lounge.
-Pre-Boarding before all the schlubs in Economy class. Eat my dust, hobos!
-A glass of champagne once I get seated and wait for the schlubs to board. I don’t drink, but ok.
-My precious footrest, 8 more inches legroom, an 8-in recline, 1-in more width, and a headrest.
-Noise cancelling headphones. Instead of those noise-increasing crackly ones you get in Economy.
-A larger table and a special teeny table for drinks. The drink table is in between the seats, so I can spill my unwanted champagne on my fellow passenger in style.
-FREE SOCKS. I’m going to ask for 3 pairs so I can also wear on my hands and ears.
-A toothbrush and toothpaste. Which seems stupid. Until you’ve travelled for 24 hours without brushing your teeth. Then you will know the true need.
-Hot towels. If you’ve ever had these, you know you can’t ever live without them. I’m going to ask for a hot towel every 15 minutes.
-The same food options that business class gets to enjoy. Hopefully, that will include a veg option for breakfast because economy does not offer that.
-Free wine! I still don’t drink. But maybe I will have changed my life choices by the 10th hour of travel.
-More movies! Good. Because I have travelled so much this year I have already seen all the Cathay Pacific movies 17 times. Fingers crossed they will have more seasons of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, so I can laugh super loud and disrupt all the other passengers while they try to sleep.
-Real plates and cutlery! No disposable, single use for me!
-Larger screens. Now I can go blind AND aggravate my concussion even faster than I originally planned!

-Plus, probably some more things I will discover during my flight. I’ll keep you posted.

All in all seems like a good deal. And online reviews say that Premium Economy gets most of the same perks as Business class for a fraction of the price. So it turns out I’m a pretty savvy traveller.
I should get into traffic accidents more often.

ummmmm….. well, I’ll probably review that option before I commit.

 

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The Bali Kiss

Yes, I dumped my bike at 40 km/hr (25 mi).
But I am okay, mostly due to the fact that I wearing a helmet. The whole left side of my helmet cracked in half… and I know full well that otherwise, that would have been my skull.

Was I driving beyond my ability? Acting like a stupid tourist? I don’t think so. I’m no dummy when it comes to driving, but a number of random factors contributed to my accident and here is the rundown.

I rented a bike that was not in the best shape. I complained after the third day that the front wheel wobbled, the steering was a bit wonky, and the rear brake was all but useless. I tried to exchange the bike, but they said nothing was available so I was stuck with wonky garbage bike for the day.
Then I loaded up, laptop, water, a few supplies for my friend, lunch, and whatever other random stuff ladies carry around in their purses. Bug spray, a bottle of water, and like 7 chocolate bars.
Of course.
And lastly, some guy was chasing me yelling, pulling up alongside, and SHOWING ME HIS DICK.
Seriously. How gross is that?
So, depending on who you ask, I was either chasing him and trying to kick his ass.
Or I was running away from him and being pursued as a helpless maiden.
(In reality, it was a bit of both).
And then before I knew it I was upon a sharp turn in the road and my wonky steering reared its ugly head.
As I started to veer into the oncoming lane I hit the brakes, however, only the front brake engaged and the bike slide out from under me. The next thing I knew my helmet was cracking into the asphalt.
I got out of it with road rash down the entire left side of my body. Arm, torso and leg all the way down to my shoe.
I am so grateful I was wearing a helmet, but god, do I ever wish I had also been wearing pants.
Almost everywhere I was clothed was spared any damage.

Except for my shoulder.
All the heavy bags I was carrying slung across my body pulled really hard and messed my shoulder up something bad.
With my left arm basically useless now, I have succumbed to making an appointment across the island with an osteopath and my own doctor back home as soon as possible.
If you know me at all, you know that something pretty serious has to happen for me to agree to see a doctor.
The osteo was great and diagnosed a mild concussion, a sprained AC shoulder joint, a damaged 5th rib, sternum, and collarbone.
But in about 4 weeks I should be back in fighting shape (finger crossed) but in the meantime, I look like a mummy with all my bandages and I fully expect to be a gooey scabby disgusting mess for the next few weeks.

I am not looking forward to lugging my suitcases across planet earth. But at least I have iodine and hydrogen peroxide to look forward to!

Moral of the story: wear your helmet, don’t settle for a wonky bike, travel light, and don’t get too angry if some idiot flashes you his dick.

Fucking Bali.

No pics because it’s gross.
But maybe I’ll post some in a few days when it’s even grosser.

Much love from the southern hemisphere… and for the millionth time – please wear your helmet!

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